Toxic (The Complete Series): Contemporary Gay Romance Read online

  “I don’t know what to say,” Cooper told me.

  I smiled at him. “You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted you to know that I didn’t forget about you. In fact, I thought about you a lot over the years.”

  He didn’t seem to know what to do with that either, so he sipped his coffee and looked at the pictures.

  “You still draw?” I asked him.

  “As much as I can,” he said with a shrug. “But I do a lot of digital design now. Logos and book covers and that type of thing. I get to draw a bit when someone wants a custom CD cover or something like that. It’s fun. I’m working on building my business.”

  “Is that why you came back here?”

  “Home? I mean—yeah, kind of. I like it here—lots of good memories.” His gaze flicked to mine and then away. Lots of bad memories, too, I was sure he was thinking. But he only continued. “It’s comfortable and I’m close to family. A good chance to start building my life and my future.”

  “I’m not going to lie,” I told him, twisting my cup on the table, “I looked you up a few times.”

  “Why?”

  I laughed. “Wow. I wasn’t expected that. Uh…mostly because I was curious. And, I guess, because I always wanted to apologize.”

  “Why didn’t you do anything?” he asked.

  I choked out a laugh. “Well, that’s one thing that’s definitely different about you.”

  “What?”

  “You’re more straightforward,” I said.

  He blew out a breath. “I guess I just figured it saved a lot of heartache in the end. Instead of holding back your feelings or thoughts, it’s better to tell people how you really feel.”

  Fuck. That didn’t make me feel better at all. I pushed the papers aside and leaned in. “Listen, Cooper, I don’t know how else to say how sorry I am. I wasn’t fair to you or myself and I lost you because of it. Not just our friendship, but what we might have had.

  “I wanted to call you so many times and apologize. And I wanted to do more.”

  “More?”

  I nodded. “I wanted to tell you I was wrong for not being honest with you.”

  “How so?”

  “I cared about you back then. And when you told me your feelings, I should have done the same thing. I should have told you the truth—that I felt the same way as you.”

  His breath caught and he leaned back in his seat. “You…felt the same way?”

  “No.” I reached out, my fingers just short of brushing against his again. “I feel the same way. The same way I felt back then.”

  I couldn’t deny it. We still had that same spark. There was something there I wanted to explore. I knew a lot of it had to do with the feelings I harbored since we were young, but also with the man he’d become. He was still so similar, just wiser and older.

  “You don’t have to say anything,” I told him quickly when he looked at a loss for words. “Just consider it. I know who I am now and I know what I want.”

  He lifted an eyebrow. “Want?”

  “Are you going to repeat everything I say?” I asked with a laugh. “Yes, want. I want a chance with you and I’ll keep proving it to you if I have to.”

  After a moment, his lips curved. “I’ll be looking forward to that.”

  Chapter 8

  COOPER

  I’d given him a challenge, but I hadn’t expected him to follow through so quickly or thoroughly. When I got to work on Friday evening, Nate was already there setting up with his band.

  He walked over when I came in and nudged me into the hallway.

  “I have to clock in,” I told him.

  “I just wanted you to know that I had a good time when we went to coffee.”

  “So did I,” I said honestly.

  It hadn’t been hard to fall into that old friendship again. The laughter felt good. And it was easy with Nate. He was easy on the eyes and never let the conversation lull.

  But that didn’t mean I was convinced about taking a chance on him.

  “Can I have your number?” he asked, pulling out his phone.

  “Uh…” I blinked. “I’m not sure.”

  “Oh.” He smiled and put his phone back in his pocket. “I get it. I’ll ask again later.”

  Then he walked back to get ready for his first set, leaving me amused and partially frustrated. He clearly wasn’t going to give up.

  Bea worked companionably at my side as the crowd picked up. When Liam came in as well, we were the best and most efficient team. It was like we’d worked together for years. And the tips weren’t bad either.

  Every time I looked at Nate, he was staring at me. This time he winked, and I blushed and kept busy again.

  When they took a break, Nate walked over for a glass of water. “Big crowd today,” he said.

  I nodded in agreement and slid over his water.

  “Have you decided?” he asked, not at all worried about keeping his voice down. “About giving me your number?”

  “Why do you need my number?”

  He sighed and gave Bea a look. I glanced over at her. I hadn’t realized she’d been listening.

  “Yeah, why do you need his number?” Bea asked, her hand on her hip.

  I chuckled and turned back to Nate.

  “So I can ask you out,” he said as though it were obvious. Then he snapped his fingers. “Okay. Put that thought on hold. How about the wedding? Will you go as my date?”

  “Nate—” I stared, but he stood faster than I could get out what I wanted to say.

  “Hold that thought. We’re about to start another set.”

  He dashed off, leaving Bea laughing at my side. He stepped up to the microphone and said hello to the crowd.

  A cheer went up. I rolled my eyes at Bea. He was charming, that was for sure. Too charming for his own good. But it was working—just a little.

  “Who’s here on a date tonight?” Nate asked.

  I gripped Bea’s arm. She smiled at me.

  There were several cheers and whistles from the crowd. Nate nodded. Sean played a short guitar riff, and I thought maybe they were just working up the crowd.

  Until Nate spoke again. “I’m not going to lie,” he told the crowd. “I haven’t been dating much lately.”

  A woman in the crowd yelled, “I’ll give you my number, baby!”

  He laughed good-naturedly. “The thing is, I’m kind of already interested in someone. I might have been too shy to say something in the past, but there’s no time like the present to be true to you are, right?”

  The crowd cheered. My stomach dropped.

  “Oh, fuck,” I said. “He’s not going to say anything else, right?”

  Nate looked at me and I squeezed Bea’s arm harder.

  “Make him stop,” I hissed at her.

  “I can’t—he’s on a mission.”

  “Because I want him to know that I’m not too afraid to tell him—and the world—how I really feel,” Nate continued, “I’m telling him now. Cooper—come on—give the crowd a wave.”

  My cheeks flamed. Bea grabbed my hand and held it up in the air, waving it back and forth.

  “Traitor,” I whispered to her while the crowd whistled and cheered more.

  “Cooper!” she said, exasperated. “He’s wooing you.”

  “You think Cooper should go on a date with me, right?” Nate asked the crowd.

  A chorus of “yeses” rose up all around me. “Do it!” people chanted.

  “What do you say, Cooper?” Nate asked, looking at me again with a smile.

  Bea thumped me on the back and I blurted, “Yes. Okay, yes. I’ll go on a date with you.”

  Anything to get him to stop.

  With my cheeks still on fire, I waited until the noise died down and Nate started the next song.

  “Oh my God,” Bea said, her hand on her heart. “I wish someone would do that for me.”

  “I’m so embarrassed.”

  “And so flattered, right?”

  I bit my
lip to keep from smiling. “Maybe a little.”

  Nate had said he was going to prove to me he’d changed. He hadn’t been able to be honest about himself or his feelings before, but he was clear about that now. He wasn’t at all embarrassed to tell the whole bar that he liked me.

  Fuck. Where had this Nate been when we’d been teenagers?

  I got back to work again, but when Nate finished the next set, I crooked my finger at him. “Come here,” I said as he walked off stage.

  He followed me down the hallway to the bathrooms, smiling when I turned around to meet his eyes.

  “Don’t do that again,” I told him.

  “I wasn’t trying to embarrass you.”

  “I know. I—” I broke off and ran a hand through my hair, lowering my voice when a woman walked by. “You were trying to get me to go on a date with you.”

  “I was trying to show you that I don’t care who knows how I feel. It’s not like it was back then.”

  I sighed. “I know. You’re right.”

  “Really?” He grinned. When someone else came down the hallway, he opened the door to the storage closet. “Come in here for a minute so we can have some privacy.”

  I followed him inside and leaned against the wall.

  “Do you believe me now?” he asked.

  I debated for a moment, then nodded. “I think so.”

  How could I not? He’d told the entire bar.

  He smiled and stepped closer to me, making my pulse spike. “I can keep working on it.”

  “I think you’re good for tonight.”

  “Prove it.”

  My mouth dropped open at the challenge in his voice and the heat in his gaze.

  My heart thudded in my chest, threatening to break through my ribs. Oh, God, this was it. Exactly what I’d wanted when we were teenagers, just learning what love looked like. Learning who we were.

  Pressure.

  But instead of having to make the first move, Nate inched closer until the toes of his boots hit mine. He reached up, almost in slow-motion, and touched my cheek. His thumb brushed my cheekbone and my eyes swooped closed at the feel of it.

  “You don’t have to go on a date with me,” he murmured.

  His breath touched my lips, and my knees nearly buckled. I opened my eyes to meet his, surprised at the compassion there.

  “I didn’t mean to pressure you,” he said. “I just wanted you to know that I wasn’t afraid of people knowing how I feel about you.”

  “I know,” I whispered, longing in my voice. “Kiss me, Nate.”

  His eyes flickered with surprise a moment before he surged forward to place his lips on mine. One hand curled around my back to pull me to him, and the other ran through my hair in the back, giving me the chills.

  Damn, Nate was a good kisser. Just like I’d imagined. And I’d imagined it more than once, even after he’d broken my heart.

  I slid my tongue against his and had the pleasure of hearing him groan. It was an instant shock to my system and made me hard in the blink of an eye.

  “Nate,” I murmured against his mouth.

  God, I wanted him. And I was at work. I was supposed to be working right now.

  He eased back, eyes blurry for a moment before they focused on me. He exhaled and pressed his forehead against mine. “Sorry. I’m sorry. But in my defense, you did tell me to kiss you.”

  I laughed and curled my fingers in his flannel shirt. “I did.”

  “I’ve been waiting a long time to do that,” he breathed.

  When he said things like that, it made me melt. I’d had no idea he’d wanted this the whole time we’d been apart. And now…well, it was like a dream. A dream I never wanted to wake up from.

  But my brain was still saying, Be careful!

  “I need to get back,” I told him.

  He pressed another quick kiss to my mouth before stepping back. “Me, too.”

  I gave him a goofy smile and hurried out the door, not even looking back when I heard him chuckle. I couldn’t get distracted again. Not tonight. I had to keep working and then I had to really think about what I was doing.

  Being anywhere near Nate when I tried to do that was a bad idea. He’d just distract me again. Already, I wanted to kiss him again. To run my hands all over his body so I could give into every fantasy of him I’d had since I was a teenager.

  And now, it was so much more enticing. Nate was an adult. More muscular, more mature, and definitely more sure about what he wanted.

  Right now, what he wanted was me.

  Chapter 9

  NATE

  I couldn’t get enough of Cooper. After that kiss in the closet, which was actually kind of ironic, I couldn’t stop dreaming of having his hands and mouth on me. All the time.

  But I didn’t push. I waited for him every night after work and took him for coffee when he let me.

  And still dreamed of having his body pressed against mine.

  I wanted every inch of him sliding against every inch of me. I was starting to think he didn’t truly believe how badly I wanted him.

  Because I had to get to the bar early to help set up for the wedding and reception, I wasn’t able to pick Cooper up on the way.

  It was killing me that I had to wait the entire day to see him.

  Just like it had been in high school.

  I hadn’t told him back then but seeing him had been the highlight of my day. He always made it better by simply being himself.

  Mason and Ryan were already there, along with Bea and a few other employees who were going to finish setting up. It was already transformed, with flowers lined next to the chairs that showcased a simple aisle to the front of the stage where Trilogy played and where the couple was going to say their vows.

  “Where’s your date?” Mason asked, looking around. “Or did he bail on you?”

  I rolled my eyes. “I know it’s a joke now, okay?”

  Everyone knew about me and Cooper because of the announcement I’d made to the entire bar. But I didn’t regret it. My goal was simply to get Cooper to believe that I didn’t care who knew about my sexual orientation or who I liked to spend time with.

  I’d accomplished my goal and that was all I needed to do.

  That, and keep showing Cooper how much I cared for him. It was starting to become even more obvious the more time I spent with him. I realized that I was started to fall for the man Cooper was now instead of the memory of what we might have had back then or my own version of what could have been.

  We were starting something now that was even more special to me.

  “Cooper will be here for the wedding and reception,” I told him.

  Mason glanced to Ryan and the love in his eyes was clear. I wouldn’t have been surprised to hear that we were having another wedding soon.

  The thought of that made a pang of longing bloom in my chest. I was still young and had my whole life ahead of me. But more and more I was realizing that I wanted that life to be with someone I respected and cared about. Someone I trusted.

  “How are things?” Mason asked me.

  “Good. Better than I could have hoped for,” I told him honestly.

  “Sometimes it just takes the right timing is all.”

  I angled my head at him, unsure sure why he’d said that. “I hope you’re right. Cooper and I have had about ten years of wrong timing.”

  He jerked his thumb to the door with a smile. “He’s here now.”

  I looked over and my heart almost stopped. Cooper walked in with Bea, and everything about him was perfect. The small smile he wore at something she’d said, his hair parted to the side in an almost haphazard way, and the suit. It fit him to a tee and made me want to take it off of him piece by piece. I’d never wanted another man more.

  I walked straight to him and took his hand to pull him to me. “You look good,” I said.

  He gave me a winning smile—one without the pain of the past in it. “Thank you. So do you.”

  Even though he di
dn’t go in for it, I kissed him anyway. Just a soft brush of my lips against his. And I didn’t care who saw.

  It amused me when Cooper’s cheeks heated. “It didn’t figure you one for public displays of affection,” he said.

  “Are you not?”

  He shrugged. “I guess when I get comfortable in a relationship. Sure.”

  “Are you comfortable?”

  “Ask me again after the wedding.”

  One of those cryptic responses I was getting used to. Part of me wanted him to simply open up and tell me what he was thinking, but I was starting to realize his lack of response meant he wasn’t sure. It might not seem like he was straightforward, but really he was asking for more time to dissect his thoughts. That was one way I wasn’t like Cooper at all. When I knew how I felt and I knew what I wanted, I went for it. It was done.

  Cooper spent more time in his head thinking things through, debating, assessing. And when he was ready, he’d tell me.

  “I have to sit at the back so I can get up and play,” I told Cooper. “Will you sit with me?”

  He nodded. I didn’t take his hand this time, not wanting to make him uncomfortable, but I couldn’t stop myself from touching his back as we walked, guiding him to the chairs.

  Bea sat with us on Cooper’s other side, making comments here and there that made him laugh.

  But when the ceremony started, she fell silent. I knew that Liam had been her best friend since he’d started working here, and it looked like she fully approved of who he was with. I agreed. I could see it in the way Liam and Tate looked at each other. In the way they held hands at the front and in their vows.

  Cooper reached out to take my hand, surprising me. I blinked over at him and swore he had tears in his eyes, just like Bea. I squeezed his fingers and then brought his hand to my mouth so I could kiss his knuckles.

  In that moment, it felt like a very real possibility that I might be up there like Liam and Tate one day. Love was real, and I was starting to feel like I might have that with Cooper.

  When the ceremony ended, Cooper helped clear the area while I set up with the band. Then I had the pleasure of introducing the newly married couple. The group was small, but they filled the space with cheers.